I realised very quickly I would not have sufficient time to say everything I wanted, therefore the lead into my speech had to be forgotten.It has been said people would probably like to hear what I missed out, so without further ado here it is in it's entirety. On the day, I kind of ad libbed a bit as I went along.This first piece was inspired by infighting amongst exes.
Don't Hate the Person, Hate the Deed.
Whilst most exes and critics are on the warpath for David Miscavige and rightly so, he is and has been in charge for some 36 years now, and came to power under dubious circumstances, the gross abuse and misconduct in Scientology started long before he was even born.
I was a child in Scientology when it became popular to move to East. Grinstead and follow the Leader, L. Ron Hubbard. LRH held a very tight reign on Scientology and also that of his followers. It is many of these earlier crusaders for hubbard who still to this day hold him in high esteem and continue this charade of how harmful Scientology is under Miscavige, which it is, but seem to conveniently forget that it was Hubbard who started this whole heavy Ethics handlings and if it it wasn't for Hubbard, David Miscavige would not exist.
The very foundations of Scientology of which it has always operated on and from are those of L. Ron Hubbard and his third wife MarySue Hubbard. Over the years there have been many defectors, some who have seen the lies for themselves and realised this was a con, but there are still others, old timers who although well aware of the abuse instigated directly from LRH still insist on adherence to the tenets of the foundations of Scientology, and many also still cling to silence in the hope that with the ever increasing deaths of the old timers there will be no one left to tell the tales, that it eventually will all go away and no one will be left culpable. Well, It won't.
Children in scientology have always had a very hard time of it, right from the very beginning and none more so than LRH's own children of which there were seven. Not content with having complete control of his own children, and to some extent they had minds of their own, he sought to control the minds of his followers children also and none more so than in his Messengers.On board the Apollo he succeeded in some at least.He also used his skill at subordination of others to take control of all crew and their children, subjecting both adults and children to extreme mind control and mental and physical abuse.
This had already started long before the ships took to sea, creeping through the adults and into the children by use of the TRs(training routines). Part of the doctrine of Scientology "tech" is that you have lived before this life, you are not your body. You are a thetan or spirit that has lived many times over and will continue to do so.And, on that theme "children became adults in little bodies." The trouble with the working doctrine of Hubbard's scientology "tech" is that, that in itself left it wide open for interpretation for child abuse, physically,sexually, emotionally, and mentally.
*That, above is the main body of the part I didn't say at the conference.*
Now for my speech of which bits are missing in the main speech but this is what I wrote down prior to going to Dublin.
http://outofscientology.tk/content/case-you-missed-part-one-dublin-conference
My speech starts at 00.49.16 on the live stream, having re watched it, I ad lib quite a lot. So this transcript is not exact.
My family moved to East. Grinstead in 1963 when I was six years old. We moved house 4 times in as many years and the last two abodes were full of scientology boarders from around the world to attend courses at St. Hill manor. My Father worked at St. Hill as a cashier/registrar. I was 8/9 years old when I did the children's courses at St. Hill, which consisted of the training routines or TRs as they were known. My Father thought it would help me as I was quite shy. I wasn't keen to do them, but did so to please my Father and it did, however, I di not like doing them and found them quite scary.
I should like to point out that this is quite common for a child in Scientology.
In the early to mid part of 1967, Ernie Martin, a Matador who reside at Coopers Wood touched me inappropriately, whilst teaching me martial arts.The final time being in a semi lit room with several other people present whilst watching TV. The Scientology owners of the house quickly dealt with the situation by sending me off to bed, taking me out for day, the next day whilst getting rid of him. But they never got rid of him far enough, he went onto become a Class VIII auditor and a Kha Khan, an untouchable.The reason as I see it was to not make waves for L. Ron Hubbard and Scientology.
In October of 1967 I left for Tunisia with my Father to join the Royal Scotsman and became a Sea Org member, signing a billion year contract at the age of 10.My father queried this as I was so young, but the decision to stay became mine as I had been so upset at the thought of being parted from him and insisted I go with him. I did not know what this meant. I couldn't fathom 10 years, let alone a billion, and in retrospect I doubt my Father could either.
In the roughly 20 months I spent on the Royal Scotsman/Apollo, I barely sgot to spend that much time with my Father anyway, apart from occasional libs days.
I became a Commodore's Messenger, even LRH commented on the fact that I was a little young but we would give it a try. I was a Messenger until mid 1969. As a Messenger I spent many hours sitting outside his office waiting to deliver messages, dispatches, fetch people etc. I spent many hours on the bridge at sea and also followed him around when he walked the decks.
During 1968 we sailed around many ports which are now vague in my mind some 40 odd years later, however, many things happened on board the ship that I am never likely to forget. I bore witness to people being locked up on the Apollo as I refer to her. There was a man locked in a cabin on the aft upper decks. You could hear him yelling and banging on the door to be let out, this went on for several days and then stopped. I have no idea who he was as I never saw him, just heard him.
My first introduction to heavy Ethics was when Ron pooks was in a condition of Treason and was sanding down the railings, no one was allowed to talk to him and we, Janis and I had sneaked some food up to him, a present from the cook.
I saw a young girl of about 4/5 years old with just her top half out of the hole where the metal grid of the ships chain locker was. Janis Gillham and I were ushered away. The child was filthy, puffy and red from crying so much and covered in snot. This played on my mind a lot.
The overboardings happened daily and were a constant threat to moral, every day you wondered if your name would be called today. Some days several people went over in succession. On one particular day, LRH and others were watching the proceedings from an upper deck.LRH was laughing and smiling and taking pictures and filming. It was sickening.
One time when John McMasters had been thrown over, later that day he appeared on deck with his arm in a sling. A group of us were sitting on some benches, I think I was the only child there at that time out of a good dozen or so people. John was visibly upset, he went on about how mad all of this was and why did we accept this. No one spoke to him, it was very sad and a sharp reminder to me that something was desperately wrong.
On board the Apollo as it was later renamed to ingratiate the Corfian officials with the advent of setting up an academy on the Island. what should have been clear but which wasn't at that point, at least to me was the preparation to take over the Island of Corfu. It should have been clear because that was what we were supposed to be doing "Clearing the Planet", turning every man, woman and child on earth into a Scientologist. I had heard it often enough, I should have realised, but I was only a child.Years later, long after I had left, and after getting thrown out of many ports across the globe, LRH and Scientology finallycrept into the town of Clearwater, Florida and took over the town under false pretenses.
Back on the Apollo, I witnessed Bill Deitch and two other men locked up in the cattle stalls. People vanished, usually in the middle of the night, never to be seen again, a story always circulated about their bad behavior.
At a mandatory attendance, LRH had a grown man push a peanut around the decks with his nose. by the time I arrived, Janis having come and got me, we discussed what it was about and laughed at the absurdity of it, Surely even LRH could not be that cruel, yes he could. The horror hit me when the man stood up, covered in blood. I was sent up to the crows nest as punishment for laughing.If I actually had thought it was real, well....
I wasn't the only one sent up to the crows nest as punishment, there were others.
At a party on board, possibly L. Ron hubbard's birthday, a woman was brought up from below decks, filthy, bedraggled and dazed, it was horrible and i think a warning to others. I don't remember who she was.
These are just the abuses I remember, I know there were others.
In early 1969 my Father went away on a mission, I was told he would be gone three weeks, it was to be a very long time befor i saw him a gain.
Before we got thrown out of Corfu, Janis Gillham and I were put in a condition of Liability for being a security threat. We were watched talking to Greek boys, the fact that it took forever just to establish one anothers names was totally besides the point when your at war with Smersh. apparently. Separated and interrogated separately we found ourselves down in the hold of the ship, semi dark and told to chip rust and clean. We had to sleep and eat down there, we were not given blankets and slept sitting up against a girder, it was cold, food consisted of bread and I think cheese. I don't remember how long we were down there but I think it was a fair while as when we were finally allowed to seek signatures to rejoin the group, up on the deck, even though it was a dark, dank day, my eyes hurt a lot trying to adjust to the light.
My Father had been gone ages and I was worried why he hadn't come back, I asked for permission to go and join him wherever he was, I had to be careful as I trusted no one, but Hana Eltringham's kindly smile had kept me going in the hold so I sought her help.
I was seriously depressed after my experiences and endeavored to be a very good little girl, one day Peter brought a newspaper into me and said I should read it, his family had been talking about it, he guarded the door as it would not have been good to get caught reading it. I skimmed through it, my Father was wanted for a court case concerning Scientology, the Scientologists said he was on a ship somewhere in the med and couldn't be contacted. He hadn't been there for months. My depression worsened.
The newspaper was the News of the World.
It wouldn't be long before I would be joining him, then surely everything would be alright. It had never occurred to me to rifle through LRHs mail, but from that day forth, I did, looking for anything about my family, particularly my Father.That's when I found an Ethics chit written by the MAA (Master at Arms) to have me overboarded for not pulling my weight. There was no way I was being overboarded If I could help it, I couldn't swim, I was scared of heights, convinced I would drown and with so few days left till I left the ship, thought it was worth the risk.I put the chit in my pocket, went to the toilet, tore the chit into tiny pieces and flushed it away. Could I avoid the MAA, not easy.
On the day I was due to leave, I was headed across the decks towards the gang plank, when I saw him staring at me, it was all I do to keep going. I thought he would yell out "STOP!" or something, but fortunately he didn't and I rushed down the plank and into the waiting taxi. What a relief.
Upon arrival in Denmark, I knew instantly something was wrong. The moment I arrived I was driven off in a car so Commander Jill van Staden could tell me my Dad was in treason and no longer there, he was an SP, I was devastated.
What to do now. I wanted to leave, but I had to be very careful how I went about it, as you didn't just leave these people. I don't remember how the plan formed and I wasn't even sure I had family to go to. I had written my Mother several times and never heard back, the only other option was my step Mother who was married to my Father,but first I had to have LRHs permission. I requested a leave of absense to get an education to make me a better Sea Org member. It was granted. My step Mother agreed also.
In the meantime, my Father came back to Abellund one night after I had gone to bed. He had heard I was there and also wanted his money and his passport, which they still had. .Now you have to remember he had been in Denmark for months without his passport, money or belongings. I didn't know about this until morning when I was told by Jill van Staden after he had gone. I asked why I wasn't allowed to see him and was told "you know the rules", yes I did, but this was my father we were talking about. I overheard the MAA telling someone else what a night they'd had "bullbaiting", so I asked when he'd gone and was told 5 am ish, I said "where did he spend the night", the MAA pointed to the cupboard under the stairs in the main hall. They had locked my Dad in a cupboard and hadn't let me speak to him and these were the most Ethical people on the Planet, or so they kept telling me. I was now in despair, convinced my Father would not just leave me there with these people, I spent the next few days roaming the surrounding countryside, crying, calling for him and in the end screaming, but all to no avail.
A short while before I was due to leave Abellund, Denmark, my Mother turned up with my brothers and her new boyfriend, they were going to Sweden to the Org there. She said I could go with them, I spent the weekend with them, but I was convinced I only stood a chance back in my own country and I was still determined to find out what happened to my Father. She told me "you won't find him, you know." As far as I was concerned she was one of them, that's how it had become, them and me.
Just when you think it can't possibly get any worse, it usually does, and so after a very brief happy interval, my heart sunk when I saw the MAA from the ship turn up the drive in a taxi. Later that evening at a party we had, he cornered me in the hall, told me he knew what I had done, referring to the Ethics chit and the trouble I could be in. He told me it had gotten crazy on the ship, he'd had enough and was going back to Sweden. He told me there would be no point in telling anyone about the things I had seen or heard because all of it was so far fetched and crazy, no one would believe me, do you know what they do with people who tell crazy stories, they lock them up in mental institutions. He made himself very clear, I was scared witless.
I'd like to add, that whilst this was happening to me, Scientology set up CCHR (Citizens Commission of Human Rights) a front group for Scientology.
You get to a point when you always expect the worse and believe, me worst will come. In order to leave Scientology, even on a supposed leave of absense you have to go through a security check and that means on the E-Meter. You couldn't lie to an e-meter, it was like a GOD, or so I had been lead to believe, It knew your every thought. Now I was in big trouble and I was terrified. I was asked lots of questions about all sorts of things, many of which I did not understand. I can't remember what, but I told a little lie and although he asked me about it again, he moved on, which in turn lead me to believe this machine was not GOD, so I lied my way through the questions and gradually felt more confident. The main question I remember was whether I had any unkind thoughts about L. Ron Hubbard, MarySue Hubbard and Scientology. What a ridiculous question after what I had been through. I had so many, I didn't know where to begin so I gave a gushing appraisal and the security check was over. I was a nervous wreck but I was allowed to go home.
Thats how Scientology makes liars of you.
When I finally left Abellund I was in the possession of an E- Meter which I had been pressured to buy, I did so because I was told I would need this later on and I needed badly for them to think I would be coming back, which of course I never would be.
The plane journey home was surreal, I couldn't believe I was finally away from these loonies. There was a family on the plane who showed real concern for me, I really just wanted to be left alone, but the Mother kept asking all the wrong questions "Why was I traveling alone?" "Where were my parent's?" "Was I visiting family?" I had a hell of a job getting rid of them in London. "Why wasn't there anyone to meet me?" It was late in the evening. I assured them I would be fine and eventually they said "Goodbye". I arrived at the Coach House just about midnight, the lights were on but no one was home, I didn't even have enough money to pay the taxi, after giving him everything I had, including some Danish coins, he finally left me in the middle of no where on my own. My suitcase, my e-meter and me.
My step Mother eventually appeared, she'd been at St. Hill. Surprise, Surprise! It was perfectly normal for a 12 year old to be sitting on a suitcase in the pitch black, in the middle of no where all on her own.
For the first time I can remember I was taken to see a dentist, I had to have 17 major fillings, my teeth have been a problem all of my life.
Going back to school was dreadful, I was way behind for my age, the dunce of the class, compounded by "that scientology kid" did nothing to boost my confidence. I became "that dunce", it was easier.
I had one non scientologist friend, we'd been friends since we were 5, she told me she had seen me on TV, on the Shrinking World of L. Ron Hubbard. It was to be many, many years before I ever got to see it. I just wanted to forget it had ever happened.
No one seemed to know where my father was and that included my step mother. I had become the local scientology baby sitter so all the scientologists could go do Scientology at St. Hill.One night late after babysitting I got home to find a man's jacket on the chair, I knocked on my step Mothers door and to my amazement my father opened it, He said it was late and to go to bed, we'd talk in the morning. Tomorrow never came, well it did but my Father didn't. He'd gone. I was told by my step Mother "he's an SP, he can't stay here.", Yeah, I knew the rules only too well.
Babysitting became a full time job outside of school, if not for my sister, then for other scientologists. I was sick of it. I resented that my step Mother spent any and all spare time at St. hill. Hubbard this and Hubbard that. Scientology this, and Scientology that, It was all I ever heard and I hated it. All I could think of was "You no nothing!", but I couldn't tell her that, I wondered what would happen if I did and decided against it as I thought we would be invaded by Sea Org and I could not cope with that.
I took to walking the streets late at night on my own, didn't occur to me I shouldn't,didn't seem to bother my step Mother that I did it as long as I went to school and was there for babysitting. I just needed to be away from it all with my thoughts.
One night she had promised to come back earlier and hadn't. I knew she would be back soon, so I checked my sleeping sister and left the house. I knew it was wrong but I was crumbling inside.When I got back there was a grey rag on the counter top and a note telling me I was in a condition of liability. What was wrong with these people?
I took to going out more and more, sometimes I met up with my friend who used to sneak out. We took to hitch hiking all over the place, just for the fun of it. It never occurred to either of us that it was dangerous or that we shouldn't be doing it. It was something to do, I never asked why she did it, I did it to get away from Scientology and L. Ron Hubbard.
We used to go to pubs and watch bands play, eventually as was to be expected it got me into trouble. What I wanted more than anything else in the world was love, to be loved and to love somebody. Not a lot for a child to want. There was none in my life, being so young and inexperienced in the ways of the world outside of scientology, where children are not given a normal education in anything. I stupidly mistook sex for love and on a third occasion got caught by the Police.
My poor deluded step Mother said "If you wanted sex, why didn't you come in the house." I was 12 years old. She was more concerned with the bad publicity it would cause for L. Ron Hubbard and Scientology and even said so. I didn't understand because I wasn't really aware of what I had done wrong.If anything at all made me feel slightly better it was the thought of Scientology and L. Ron Hubbard getting in to trouble, long overdue from my perspective, but nothing made me feel any better.I just kept going from one bsd situation to another, I had thought of killing myself several times, but didn't know how, that came later.
I was put in an assessment center for my safety> It felt like I had been put in prison and I remember thinking I shouldn't be in prison, L. Ron Hubbard should, funny how life turns out. Worse was to come, everyone put in this center had to be assessed by a psychiatrist. I refused. I was told I couldn't refuse, so I refused to answer any questions. This was it, If I answered the questions truthfully I would be locked up in a mental institution. I will say nothing!.
He knew I had been away at sea with my dad, no denying that, so I gave shore stories, I knew nothing. I didn't know who he worked for, I didn't know what his job was, I didn't know the name of the ship, I knew nothing. He tried to get me to do puzzles, I thought he was trying to trick me, so I refused to do them. He told me the sooner i answered his questions, the sooner I wouldn't have to see him any more, so I gave a shore story based on "I know nothing!" It worked. He left me alone, on reflection, god only knows what he must have thought.
It was requested that my step Mother visit me, she was so rude when she came, she said she had five minutes because she had to St. Hill. I remember crying and said "get me out of here",she replied "You pulled it in, deal with it" and marched out of there.
A couple of months later i had to go spend a weekend at home. I played and baked with my little sister. the house was full of strangers, all scientologists. They all talked Hubbard and Scientology and had these stupid glazed smiles on their faces. Late that night, they all got up and went to bed and left me to sleep on two chairs pushed together. I vowed I would never go back.
Jumping ahead to several different sets of circumstances for me, life in care is like that. It was requested I go visit with my step Mother and sister, they now lived in Plymouth. I didn't want to go, however pressure from both my foster Mother and Social Worker, I finally gave in. The first evening went quite well under the circumstances, but the following day, only I reckon it was a ploy to get me into the org by saying she had some work to pick up, once there she thought it was time I went on the E-Meter. I went ballistic, told her and her Scientologist friend what I thought of their stupid damned E- Meter and marched back to the flat, got my belongings and left, never to return.
It was shortly after that I receiveda "free loaders" bill, I got two in all. Telling me I had to go back or pay this ridiculous amount of money, the crazy thing is I was in care till I was 18, i couldn't go even If I had wanted to, which I did not. I ignored these letters, but I was worried, which must have shown, the next time my Social Worker payed a call, he wanted to know if anyone was demanding money off of me. I told him NO. He kept on about it, which meant my Foster Mother had seen the letters, which I thought I had carefully hidden. When he'd gone, I destroyed them.
Nothing more was said about it.
About six months later, I got a wedding invitation from my step Mother, my ever vigilant Foster Mother must have seen this also, because I never said anything about it. I wasn't going, there was no need for her to know. She tried to encourage me to go, she had obviously spoken to my Social Worker because he tried to encourage me to go several times. I was adamant, I was not going. There was no way on earth I was ever going anywhere near Scientology, Scientologists or anything even remotely connected to it for as long as I lived, ever again.
Apart from which, I was convinced it was a further ploy to get me back in the Sea Org. NO WAY!
So bearing all that in mind and I have narrowed it down considerably to fit into the time allotted, that is why I hate everything about Scientology. When I see children at St. Hill, when I see children getting off of Flag buses in Clearwater, I know what that child is going through, because I was one of them once and it is no different today than it was then, and I know I cannot rest until all forms of Scientology no longer exist.
This has got to stop!
Note:You will find, particularly in the last paragraph which I added to as I spoke and in some places throughout I add libbed somewhat, due to time restraints.
Don't Hate the Person, Hate the Deed.
Whilst most exes and critics are on the warpath for David Miscavige and rightly so, he is and has been in charge for some 36 years now, and came to power under dubious circumstances, the gross abuse and misconduct in Scientology started long before he was even born.
I was a child in Scientology when it became popular to move to East. Grinstead and follow the Leader, L. Ron Hubbard. LRH held a very tight reign on Scientology and also that of his followers. It is many of these earlier crusaders for hubbard who still to this day hold him in high esteem and continue this charade of how harmful Scientology is under Miscavige, which it is, but seem to conveniently forget that it was Hubbard who started this whole heavy Ethics handlings and if it it wasn't for Hubbard, David Miscavige would not exist.
The very foundations of Scientology of which it has always operated on and from are those of L. Ron Hubbard and his third wife MarySue Hubbard. Over the years there have been many defectors, some who have seen the lies for themselves and realised this was a con, but there are still others, old timers who although well aware of the abuse instigated directly from LRH still insist on adherence to the tenets of the foundations of Scientology, and many also still cling to silence in the hope that with the ever increasing deaths of the old timers there will be no one left to tell the tales, that it eventually will all go away and no one will be left culpable. Well, It won't.
Children in scientology have always had a very hard time of it, right from the very beginning and none more so than LRH's own children of which there were seven. Not content with having complete control of his own children, and to some extent they had minds of their own, he sought to control the minds of his followers children also and none more so than in his Messengers.On board the Apollo he succeeded in some at least.He also used his skill at subordination of others to take control of all crew and their children, subjecting both adults and children to extreme mind control and mental and physical abuse.
This had already started long before the ships took to sea, creeping through the adults and into the children by use of the TRs(training routines). Part of the doctrine of Scientology "tech" is that you have lived before this life, you are not your body. You are a thetan or spirit that has lived many times over and will continue to do so.And, on that theme "children became adults in little bodies." The trouble with the working doctrine of Hubbard's scientology "tech" is that, that in itself left it wide open for interpretation for child abuse, physically,sexually, emotionally, and mentally.
*That, above is the main body of the part I didn't say at the conference.*
Now for my speech of which bits are missing in the main speech but this is what I wrote down prior to going to Dublin.
http://outofscientology.tk/content/case-you-missed-part-one-dublin-conference
My speech starts at 00.49.16 on the live stream, having re watched it, I ad lib quite a lot. So this transcript is not exact.
My family moved to East. Grinstead in 1963 when I was six years old. We moved house 4 times in as many years and the last two abodes were full of scientology boarders from around the world to attend courses at St. Hill manor. My Father worked at St. Hill as a cashier/registrar. I was 8/9 years old when I did the children's courses at St. Hill, which consisted of the training routines or TRs as they were known. My Father thought it would help me as I was quite shy. I wasn't keen to do them, but did so to please my Father and it did, however, I di not like doing them and found them quite scary.
I should like to point out that this is quite common for a child in Scientology.
In the early to mid part of 1967, Ernie Martin, a Matador who reside at Coopers Wood touched me inappropriately, whilst teaching me martial arts.The final time being in a semi lit room with several other people present whilst watching TV. The Scientology owners of the house quickly dealt with the situation by sending me off to bed, taking me out for day, the next day whilst getting rid of him. But they never got rid of him far enough, he went onto become a Class VIII auditor and a Kha Khan, an untouchable.The reason as I see it was to not make waves for L. Ron Hubbard and Scientology.
In October of 1967 I left for Tunisia with my Father to join the Royal Scotsman and became a Sea Org member, signing a billion year contract at the age of 10.My father queried this as I was so young, but the decision to stay became mine as I had been so upset at the thought of being parted from him and insisted I go with him. I did not know what this meant. I couldn't fathom 10 years, let alone a billion, and in retrospect I doubt my Father could either.
In the roughly 20 months I spent on the Royal Scotsman/Apollo, I barely sgot to spend that much time with my Father anyway, apart from occasional libs days.
I became a Commodore's Messenger, even LRH commented on the fact that I was a little young but we would give it a try. I was a Messenger until mid 1969. As a Messenger I spent many hours sitting outside his office waiting to deliver messages, dispatches, fetch people etc. I spent many hours on the bridge at sea and also followed him around when he walked the decks.
During 1968 we sailed around many ports which are now vague in my mind some 40 odd years later, however, many things happened on board the ship that I am never likely to forget. I bore witness to people being locked up on the Apollo as I refer to her. There was a man locked in a cabin on the aft upper decks. You could hear him yelling and banging on the door to be let out, this went on for several days and then stopped. I have no idea who he was as I never saw him, just heard him.
My first introduction to heavy Ethics was when Ron pooks was in a condition of Treason and was sanding down the railings, no one was allowed to talk to him and we, Janis and I had sneaked some food up to him, a present from the cook.
I saw a young girl of about 4/5 years old with just her top half out of the hole where the metal grid of the ships chain locker was. Janis Gillham and I were ushered away. The child was filthy, puffy and red from crying so much and covered in snot. This played on my mind a lot.
The overboardings happened daily and were a constant threat to moral, every day you wondered if your name would be called today. Some days several people went over in succession. On one particular day, LRH and others were watching the proceedings from an upper deck.LRH was laughing and smiling and taking pictures and filming. It was sickening.
One time when John McMasters had been thrown over, later that day he appeared on deck with his arm in a sling. A group of us were sitting on some benches, I think I was the only child there at that time out of a good dozen or so people. John was visibly upset, he went on about how mad all of this was and why did we accept this. No one spoke to him, it was very sad and a sharp reminder to me that something was desperately wrong.
On board the Apollo as it was later renamed to ingratiate the Corfian officials with the advent of setting up an academy on the Island. what should have been clear but which wasn't at that point, at least to me was the preparation to take over the Island of Corfu. It should have been clear because that was what we were supposed to be doing "Clearing the Planet", turning every man, woman and child on earth into a Scientologist. I had heard it often enough, I should have realised, but I was only a child.Years later, long after I had left, and after getting thrown out of many ports across the globe, LRH and Scientology finallycrept into the town of Clearwater, Florida and took over the town under false pretenses.
Back on the Apollo, I witnessed Bill Deitch and two other men locked up in the cattle stalls. People vanished, usually in the middle of the night, never to be seen again, a story always circulated about their bad behavior.
At a mandatory attendance, LRH had a grown man push a peanut around the decks with his nose. by the time I arrived, Janis having come and got me, we discussed what it was about and laughed at the absurdity of it, Surely even LRH could not be that cruel, yes he could. The horror hit me when the man stood up, covered in blood. I was sent up to the crows nest as punishment for laughing.If I actually had thought it was real, well....
I wasn't the only one sent up to the crows nest as punishment, there were others.
At a party on board, possibly L. Ron hubbard's birthday, a woman was brought up from below decks, filthy, bedraggled and dazed, it was horrible and i think a warning to others. I don't remember who she was.
These are just the abuses I remember, I know there were others.
In early 1969 my Father went away on a mission, I was told he would be gone three weeks, it was to be a very long time befor i saw him a gain.
Before we got thrown out of Corfu, Janis Gillham and I were put in a condition of Liability for being a security threat. We were watched talking to Greek boys, the fact that it took forever just to establish one anothers names was totally besides the point when your at war with Smersh. apparently. Separated and interrogated separately we found ourselves down in the hold of the ship, semi dark and told to chip rust and clean. We had to sleep and eat down there, we were not given blankets and slept sitting up against a girder, it was cold, food consisted of bread and I think cheese. I don't remember how long we were down there but I think it was a fair while as when we were finally allowed to seek signatures to rejoin the group, up on the deck, even though it was a dark, dank day, my eyes hurt a lot trying to adjust to the light.
My Father had been gone ages and I was worried why he hadn't come back, I asked for permission to go and join him wherever he was, I had to be careful as I trusted no one, but Hana Eltringham's kindly smile had kept me going in the hold so I sought her help.
I was seriously depressed after my experiences and endeavored to be a very good little girl, one day Peter brought a newspaper into me and said I should read it, his family had been talking about it, he guarded the door as it would not have been good to get caught reading it. I skimmed through it, my Father was wanted for a court case concerning Scientology, the Scientologists said he was on a ship somewhere in the med and couldn't be contacted. He hadn't been there for months. My depression worsened.
The newspaper was the News of the World.
It wouldn't be long before I would be joining him, then surely everything would be alright. It had never occurred to me to rifle through LRHs mail, but from that day forth, I did, looking for anything about my family, particularly my Father.That's when I found an Ethics chit written by the MAA (Master at Arms) to have me overboarded for not pulling my weight. There was no way I was being overboarded If I could help it, I couldn't swim, I was scared of heights, convinced I would drown and with so few days left till I left the ship, thought it was worth the risk.I put the chit in my pocket, went to the toilet, tore the chit into tiny pieces and flushed it away. Could I avoid the MAA, not easy.
On the day I was due to leave, I was headed across the decks towards the gang plank, when I saw him staring at me, it was all I do to keep going. I thought he would yell out "STOP!" or something, but fortunately he didn't and I rushed down the plank and into the waiting taxi. What a relief.
Upon arrival in Denmark, I knew instantly something was wrong. The moment I arrived I was driven off in a car so Commander Jill van Staden could tell me my Dad was in treason and no longer there, he was an SP, I was devastated.
What to do now. I wanted to leave, but I had to be very careful how I went about it, as you didn't just leave these people. I don't remember how the plan formed and I wasn't even sure I had family to go to. I had written my Mother several times and never heard back, the only other option was my step Mother who was married to my Father,but first I had to have LRHs permission. I requested a leave of absense to get an education to make me a better Sea Org member. It was granted. My step Mother agreed also.
In the meantime, my Father came back to Abellund one night after I had gone to bed. He had heard I was there and also wanted his money and his passport, which they still had. .Now you have to remember he had been in Denmark for months without his passport, money or belongings. I didn't know about this until morning when I was told by Jill van Staden after he had gone. I asked why I wasn't allowed to see him and was told "you know the rules", yes I did, but this was my father we were talking about. I overheard the MAA telling someone else what a night they'd had "bullbaiting", so I asked when he'd gone and was told 5 am ish, I said "where did he spend the night", the MAA pointed to the cupboard under the stairs in the main hall. They had locked my Dad in a cupboard and hadn't let me speak to him and these were the most Ethical people on the Planet, or so they kept telling me. I was now in despair, convinced my Father would not just leave me there with these people, I spent the next few days roaming the surrounding countryside, crying, calling for him and in the end screaming, but all to no avail.
A short while before I was due to leave Abellund, Denmark, my Mother turned up with my brothers and her new boyfriend, they were going to Sweden to the Org there. She said I could go with them, I spent the weekend with them, but I was convinced I only stood a chance back in my own country and I was still determined to find out what happened to my Father. She told me "you won't find him, you know." As far as I was concerned she was one of them, that's how it had become, them and me.
Just when you think it can't possibly get any worse, it usually does, and so after a very brief happy interval, my heart sunk when I saw the MAA from the ship turn up the drive in a taxi. Later that evening at a party we had, he cornered me in the hall, told me he knew what I had done, referring to the Ethics chit and the trouble I could be in. He told me it had gotten crazy on the ship, he'd had enough and was going back to Sweden. He told me there would be no point in telling anyone about the things I had seen or heard because all of it was so far fetched and crazy, no one would believe me, do you know what they do with people who tell crazy stories, they lock them up in mental institutions. He made himself very clear, I was scared witless.
I'd like to add, that whilst this was happening to me, Scientology set up CCHR (Citizens Commission of Human Rights) a front group for Scientology.
You get to a point when you always expect the worse and believe, me worst will come. In order to leave Scientology, even on a supposed leave of absense you have to go through a security check and that means on the E-Meter. You couldn't lie to an e-meter, it was like a GOD, or so I had been lead to believe, It knew your every thought. Now I was in big trouble and I was terrified. I was asked lots of questions about all sorts of things, many of which I did not understand. I can't remember what, but I told a little lie and although he asked me about it again, he moved on, which in turn lead me to believe this machine was not GOD, so I lied my way through the questions and gradually felt more confident. The main question I remember was whether I had any unkind thoughts about L. Ron Hubbard, MarySue Hubbard and Scientology. What a ridiculous question after what I had been through. I had so many, I didn't know where to begin so I gave a gushing appraisal and the security check was over. I was a nervous wreck but I was allowed to go home.
Thats how Scientology makes liars of you.
When I finally left Abellund I was in the possession of an E- Meter which I had been pressured to buy, I did so because I was told I would need this later on and I needed badly for them to think I would be coming back, which of course I never would be.
The plane journey home was surreal, I couldn't believe I was finally away from these loonies. There was a family on the plane who showed real concern for me, I really just wanted to be left alone, but the Mother kept asking all the wrong questions "Why was I traveling alone?" "Where were my parent's?" "Was I visiting family?" I had a hell of a job getting rid of them in London. "Why wasn't there anyone to meet me?" It was late in the evening. I assured them I would be fine and eventually they said "Goodbye". I arrived at the Coach House just about midnight, the lights were on but no one was home, I didn't even have enough money to pay the taxi, after giving him everything I had, including some Danish coins, he finally left me in the middle of no where on my own. My suitcase, my e-meter and me.
My step Mother eventually appeared, she'd been at St. Hill. Surprise, Surprise! It was perfectly normal for a 12 year old to be sitting on a suitcase in the pitch black, in the middle of no where all on her own.
For the first time I can remember I was taken to see a dentist, I had to have 17 major fillings, my teeth have been a problem all of my life.
Going back to school was dreadful, I was way behind for my age, the dunce of the class, compounded by "that scientology kid" did nothing to boost my confidence. I became "that dunce", it was easier.
I had one non scientologist friend, we'd been friends since we were 5, she told me she had seen me on TV, on the Shrinking World of L. Ron Hubbard. It was to be many, many years before I ever got to see it. I just wanted to forget it had ever happened.
No one seemed to know where my father was and that included my step mother. I had become the local scientology baby sitter so all the scientologists could go do Scientology at St. Hill.One night late after babysitting I got home to find a man's jacket on the chair, I knocked on my step Mothers door and to my amazement my father opened it, He said it was late and to go to bed, we'd talk in the morning. Tomorrow never came, well it did but my Father didn't. He'd gone. I was told by my step Mother "he's an SP, he can't stay here.", Yeah, I knew the rules only too well.
Babysitting became a full time job outside of school, if not for my sister, then for other scientologists. I was sick of it. I resented that my step Mother spent any and all spare time at St. hill. Hubbard this and Hubbard that. Scientology this, and Scientology that, It was all I ever heard and I hated it. All I could think of was "You no nothing!", but I couldn't tell her that, I wondered what would happen if I did and decided against it as I thought we would be invaded by Sea Org and I could not cope with that.
I took to walking the streets late at night on my own, didn't occur to me I shouldn't,didn't seem to bother my step Mother that I did it as long as I went to school and was there for babysitting. I just needed to be away from it all with my thoughts.
One night she had promised to come back earlier and hadn't. I knew she would be back soon, so I checked my sleeping sister and left the house. I knew it was wrong but I was crumbling inside.When I got back there was a grey rag on the counter top and a note telling me I was in a condition of liability. What was wrong with these people?
I took to going out more and more, sometimes I met up with my friend who used to sneak out. We took to hitch hiking all over the place, just for the fun of it. It never occurred to either of us that it was dangerous or that we shouldn't be doing it. It was something to do, I never asked why she did it, I did it to get away from Scientology and L. Ron Hubbard.
We used to go to pubs and watch bands play, eventually as was to be expected it got me into trouble. What I wanted more than anything else in the world was love, to be loved and to love somebody. Not a lot for a child to want. There was none in my life, being so young and inexperienced in the ways of the world outside of scientology, where children are not given a normal education in anything. I stupidly mistook sex for love and on a third occasion got caught by the Police.
My poor deluded step Mother said "If you wanted sex, why didn't you come in the house." I was 12 years old. She was more concerned with the bad publicity it would cause for L. Ron Hubbard and Scientology and even said so. I didn't understand because I wasn't really aware of what I had done wrong.If anything at all made me feel slightly better it was the thought of Scientology and L. Ron Hubbard getting in to trouble, long overdue from my perspective, but nothing made me feel any better.I just kept going from one bsd situation to another, I had thought of killing myself several times, but didn't know how, that came later.
I was put in an assessment center for my safety> It felt like I had been put in prison and I remember thinking I shouldn't be in prison, L. Ron Hubbard should, funny how life turns out. Worse was to come, everyone put in this center had to be assessed by a psychiatrist. I refused. I was told I couldn't refuse, so I refused to answer any questions. This was it, If I answered the questions truthfully I would be locked up in a mental institution. I will say nothing!.
He knew I had been away at sea with my dad, no denying that, so I gave shore stories, I knew nothing. I didn't know who he worked for, I didn't know what his job was, I didn't know the name of the ship, I knew nothing. He tried to get me to do puzzles, I thought he was trying to trick me, so I refused to do them. He told me the sooner i answered his questions, the sooner I wouldn't have to see him any more, so I gave a shore story based on "I know nothing!" It worked. He left me alone, on reflection, god only knows what he must have thought.
It was requested that my step Mother visit me, she was so rude when she came, she said she had five minutes because she had to St. Hill. I remember crying and said "get me out of here",she replied "You pulled it in, deal with it" and marched out of there.
A couple of months later i had to go spend a weekend at home. I played and baked with my little sister. the house was full of strangers, all scientologists. They all talked Hubbard and Scientology and had these stupid glazed smiles on their faces. Late that night, they all got up and went to bed and left me to sleep on two chairs pushed together. I vowed I would never go back.
Jumping ahead to several different sets of circumstances for me, life in care is like that. It was requested I go visit with my step Mother and sister, they now lived in Plymouth. I didn't want to go, however pressure from both my foster Mother and Social Worker, I finally gave in. The first evening went quite well under the circumstances, but the following day, only I reckon it was a ploy to get me into the org by saying she had some work to pick up, once there she thought it was time I went on the E-Meter. I went ballistic, told her and her Scientologist friend what I thought of their stupid damned E- Meter and marched back to the flat, got my belongings and left, never to return.
It was shortly after that I receiveda "free loaders" bill, I got two in all. Telling me I had to go back or pay this ridiculous amount of money, the crazy thing is I was in care till I was 18, i couldn't go even If I had wanted to, which I did not. I ignored these letters, but I was worried, which must have shown, the next time my Social Worker payed a call, he wanted to know if anyone was demanding money off of me. I told him NO. He kept on about it, which meant my Foster Mother had seen the letters, which I thought I had carefully hidden. When he'd gone, I destroyed them.
Nothing more was said about it.
About six months later, I got a wedding invitation from my step Mother, my ever vigilant Foster Mother must have seen this also, because I never said anything about it. I wasn't going, there was no need for her to know. She tried to encourage me to go, she had obviously spoken to my Social Worker because he tried to encourage me to go several times. I was adamant, I was not going. There was no way on earth I was ever going anywhere near Scientology, Scientologists or anything even remotely connected to it for as long as I lived, ever again.
Apart from which, I was convinced it was a further ploy to get me back in the Sea Org. NO WAY!
So bearing all that in mind and I have narrowed it down considerably to fit into the time allotted, that is why I hate everything about Scientology. When I see children at St. Hill, when I see children getting off of Flag buses in Clearwater, I know what that child is going through, because I was one of them once and it is no different today than it was then, and I know I cannot rest until all forms of Scientology no longer exist.
This has got to stop!
Note:You will find, particularly in the last paragraph which I added to as I spoke and in some places throughout I add libbed somewhat, due to time restraints.
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