This is probably the hardest post I have ever written, I don't even know where to begin, because I can not and don't know how to deal with it...it has caused me so much strife.Part of me doesn't even believe this myself, because hey...have you ever lived with L. Ron Hubbard, he put the P in paranoia. Clay demo 'the', let alone paranoia.
So we'll start in March 1969, when my Father, Michael Stainforth could not get 'case gain', this instantly makes him PTS(Potential Trouble Source) no less, connected to an SP(Suppressive Person). He swears he was doing 'Power Processing' at the time and he even wrote to LRH who apparently wrote back and said "Keep at it". When I hit on XSO, Janis Gillham/Grady put me in touch with Alan Walters with regards my Father, he said via e-mail "He was out 2D, which was why he was declared SP". Now I happen to know beyond a doubt my Father thought LRH was the most important man in the UNIVERSE, he told me so himself when I was very young...St. Hill years. But in March of 1969 my Father is put in a condition of Treason for being 'out 2D', yeah right! I know only too well my Father was a womanizer,all of his seven kids should know it and well, if they don't...LRH was also a womanizer...did he get declared in a condition of TREASON? Well, did he?NO he did not.But our Father did.
TREASON!...can you imagine a 12 year old mind wrestling with that one. This is your Father they are talking about. He was NOT in Treason for being 'out 2 D', he was in Treason because he would NOT go in a court room and testify against his own Mother and declare her a Suppressive Person, for speaking the TRUTH. Disconnection does exist! Always has done and continues to this day! And my AUNTS, the ones that won't talk to me any more because I dare to speak out and they don't have one good word to say about my father.People tell me he was schizophrenic? And LRH? And LRH, Auntie Zandra? I'm talking to you.Now one could be confused at this point and think I am talking abut Zandra and Maureen, I am not.I am talking about Terewyn and Mara, my sisters. When I was at Abelund, Denmark, my Father was locked in a cupboard under the stairs, and this is nothing compared to locked in the hole, this was a fucking hole and my Father was locked in it...same shit...same day...ad infinitum...rule the scientologist message boards ad infinitum...
The van Stadens had a wonderful time, creating LRHs vision... in Captain Joe van Staden's own words
BIRTH OF THE SEA ORG – THE DIE IS CAST
By Joe van Staden who served as captain of the Athena and Apollo at various times.
Welcome aboard
Undoubtedly the story of how it all began has been told more than once –
each time from a different perspective, obviously. In the following
account of my personal involvement in the birth of the SO I hope to
provide a perspective which may shed some light on later developments
within and around that organization.
My first contact with Scientology was in Johannesburg (1960). There I
met L Ron Hubbard for the first time when he came out to South Africa to
run the first South African ACC. Toward the end of 1962 I went over
to St Hill UK to do my SHSBC. In 1965 I did my class 7 course after
which my wife Jill and I joined staff at St Hill. At some point LRH
mysteriously disappeared from St Hill. As we found out later he had
left for Las Palmas.
Most people on staff and on course at St Hill in the early and mid 60’s
would agree; it was idyllic. It was a meeting place for likeminded
people – people who could not find what they were looking for in life
through conventional institutions and teachings. St Hill prospered.
I believe that period has even been referred to as the golden age or
something like that.
It was very easy to just be and not be concerned as to how you were
being. For instance, there was no ethics officer ready to pounce on my
friend for doing his yoga exercises out on the lawn at St Hill. Nor
was there any reason to think that that might happen. The typical
molded org persona, with all its heaviness, which became so prominent in
later years, just wasn’t there.
How did this seriousness come about? In the simplest of terms; when
did the “spirit of play” go out of being on staff and was it necessary?
Perhaps I can offer a feasible perspective on that.
One day several senior St Hill staff members were approached by Joan
Thomas. At that point I was Qual sec and my wife Jill was either
Dissem sec or HCO at the time. A bunch of us were recruited into the
Sea Project and told to get our sailing skills in order. So, once a
week off we went to the south coast and had our sailing lessons. It
was fun and we also did learn to sail – somewhat.
Several weeks passed and came the day the group was bundled onto a bus
and taken to Hull in the north on the Humber River. By this time we
knew we were joining a ship but had no idea what to expect. As the
bus entered this particular section of the harbor we saw her. Listing
about 10 degrees, rusted and battered, there she was; the Avon River – a
North Sea fishing trawler pushed to her limits by her previous owners.
I looked at my fellow passengers. For a moment there was stunned
silence. Then a kind of confused nervous laughter started spreading
around the bus. Was it excitement, I don’t think so. I think at
that instant it was more a case of; What the F….. is this?
For various reasons I will refrain from using the full names of some of my old shipmates and instead just use initials.
Anyway we settled in. The temporary captain was FM; he and two others had been aboard prior to our arrival.
Without much delay the crew was put to work cleaning and getting the
boat ready for sea. Keep in mind the Avon River was a fishing boat –
her decks were covered in about 2 inches of solid petrified fish oil,
all of which had to be scraped off. For several weeks we worked long
hours but as far as I can remember, not a single crew member lacked in
enthusiasm and commitment. In the evenings we worked on our seamanship
check-sheets – it was a long day. And tired as we were when we hit
our bunks late at night, nothing could dampen our spirits and
anticipation of what lay ahead. Well, maybe at times the grey damp
Hull weather got to us.
If my memory serves me right the Avon River had room for 140 tons of
fish in her hold, which now was filled with all sorts of bits and pieces
scavenged from other derelict boats. To this day I don’t know what
LRH wanted to do with it. The stuff was later dumped in Las Palmas.
Initially we were to tow a barge filled with even more of this “junk”.
Fortunately that Idea was dropped. Looking back and recalling some
of the weather we had to contend with on our trip, I can’t imagine us
managing to tow a barge all the way to Las Palmas.
While in Hull we did some real live docking and undocking drills.
This picture should suffice in getting across what most of it was like.
Imagine the Key Stone cops as would be sailors, falling all over each
other as the boat rammed up against the concrete dock, snapping mooring
lines and breaking anchors. As they say; you had to be there.
Eventually the day of departure arrived. Originally the idea was that
the trip be done without any non-scientologist help. In the end
however, LRH thought better of it. He told us to hire a professional
captain and a professional chief engineer for the trip, which we did
By the way, the chief engineer arrived in a taxi motherless drunk
minutes before our departure and had to be carried aboard.
Sailing down the East coast of England something broke in the engine
room forcing us to pull into Harwich. It’s possible that this was
simply a ploy by the chief engineer to go ashore – maybe to buy booze.
Anyway, repairs done we headed south. Up to then the weather had
been kind, but shortly after leaving Harwich Neptune decided to
introduce himself properly.
Most of the crew, myself included, had never seen anything like this –
mountains and valleys of green sea. The propeller kept coming out of
the water. Perhaps someone who was there will say that they were the
exception, but as far as I know everyone including the hired captain was
sea sick.
Gradually the wind eased and our trip along the south coast of England
became quite pleasant. At Falmouth we had to pull in and refuel for
the long stint to the Canary Islands. Something went wrong during
fueling and the black bunker fuel began to spill all over the decks.
Fortunately we prevented too much of the stuff spilling into the harbor.
It was during this episode that the tension between the hired
captain and the temporary Scientologist captain came to a head. FM
packed his bags and left the boat. .
By the time we got well into the Atlantic we had this wonderful gentle
following swell and no wind. Most of us very soon got our sea
legs and began feeling really at home on the bounding main.
The choice that can not be escaped
Perhaps this is a good point to deviate and express my admiration and
respect for my fellow crew members as well as comment on a particular
observation.
During all of those early years, no matter the conditions: be it taking
on the most extreme weather or having to deal with some other dangerous
situation, I never worried that we wouldn’t be able to see it threw.
Some of the guys and gals may at times have been scared shitless, but I
never saw it in the performance of their duties. Some skeptics will
say we weren’t aware of the danger we were in, we were naïve – we were
blinded by our faith in the “powers” of LRH or our belief in past lives
gave us a false sense of immortality or, we thought with several clears
aboard we were safe, or whatever. Be that as it may, I am grateful for
having shared some crazy adventures with some extraordinary people.
A significant factor behind the creation of the SO was to develop
effective cohesive teams committed to The Cause. Running ships provide
an ideal environment for this purpose. However, traditionally crews
of ships and teams involved in extraordinary ventures naturally bond and
camaraderie becomes commonplace. Hence, the age old problem faced by
leaders of religious, political, military and other similar type
organizations throughout history: How to get the crew – the team – the
followers, to first and foremost, above all else, be loyal to The Cause.
No doubt this topic can turn into a lengthy discussion, but let’s
cut a long story short.
Two schools of thought are particularly relevant here. There is the
one that says when it really comes down to it – when all hell breaks
loose, the troops are motivated to stand their ground and hold their
position based on the bond they have with their comrades. In other
words, in the trenches ordinary soldiers first and foremost fight for
each other. Then there is the school of thought which claims that in
the heat of battle the most effective outfit is one where the troops
fear their own officers more than the enemy.
Where the bond between people is the telling factor the top brass is
inclined to see total commitment to The Cause as being undermined by too
close a connection between friends and family. Hence, throughout
history instilling fear of those in command has been adopted more often
than not. And as is clear to ex SO members, the latter is SOP in the
SO. But this wasn’t always the case. Imagine refusing a direct
order from LRH because of a bond with the crew. In the early days a
captain of the Athena was ordered by the commodore to comev his entire
crew. He refused and was gladly comeved instead. It is undoubtedly
incidents such as this which contributed to the development of the
current SO modes operandi, which first and foremost demands total
loyalty and commitment to “The Cause”.
Here is the thing; whatever the reason for choosing The Cause above
friends and family the top brass will expect every SO member to have
made the right choice. The point here is not that one choice is
better than the other; the point is that there is no escape from having
to choose. The best an SO member can hope for is to never be pushed
into having to make a choice and then having to act on it. But as we
know many have been forced to act on their choice.
Back to the original story
On arrival in Las Palmas the two hired professionals were immediately
put on a plane back to the UK. Within a day or so of our arrival the
boat was hauled up on the slips and local Spanish work teams began the
refit. At the time L Ron Hubbard was living in a Villa outside Las
Palmas accompanied by some household staff. We also opened an office
in town with a couple of locals as staff.
As part of the refit the boat was sandblasted from top to bottom – stem
to stern, during which time the crew remained living onboard. And it
was also during this time that it became obvious that LRH was beginning
to experiment with some new lower ethics conditions. For instance,
Roger Buckeridge and I were the first two people ever to be put in the
newly formulated condition of non-existence. There was no condition
lower at that time. As part of our formula application we shoveled
the mountain of sand left by the sandblasters off the ship. Still,
in spite of these developments the general atmosphere was light and at
times even festive.
At that time the day to day relationship between LRH and the crew was
inclined to be determined more by nautical tradition and sailor behavior
than by The Cause of clearing the planet. For instance; John
O’Keefe, Jill and myself on a visit to the villa one evening were asked
by LRH what we would like to drink. John said he would have a scotch,
Jill a glass of wine and I said a brandy. The old man turned to
Yvonne Gillham who was his personal steward at the time and said; get
John a bottle of scotch, Jill a bottle of wine, Joe a bottle of brandy
and me a bottle of rum. Yvonne dutifully complied. No, we didn’t
finish our bottles, but we all did pretty well. And yes, the rum in
LRH’s bottle was real.
The old man has been known to use this ploy to loosen people’s tongues
and get them talking about stuff regarding the crew and boat.
It was in the early hours of the morning when the three of us got into
the car to drive back to the ship. After several attempts the car
just wouldn’t start, obviously it needed to be push started. Insisting
that the three of us remain in the car LRH put his back to it and
pushed us at least 20 meters before we got going. I can’t exactly
recall what we talked about that evening but it certainly wasn’t about
the evils of booze.
During the stay in Las Palmas there were many really funny and memorable
episodes, some of which I am sure has already been told by people who
where there. Many an evening a bunch of us would sit out under the
stars sipping the best duty free cognac while discussing a wide range of
topics. Speculation on what we would do once the refit was complete
was rife. (Las Palmas was a duty free port, hence the duty free
cognac)
A clue as to the direction the Sea Org was heading was provided one
evening during a visit by LRH to the ship. He announced that it was
time the Sea Org came out of non-existence – it was time to make an
impact on the orgs out there beginning with St Hill. It was mission
time. The mission’s purpose was mainly to assert and affirm SO
authority and presence. As it turned out the three members of this
first SO mission was my wife Jill, Fred Payer and me.
The first SO mission arrives at St Hill
Arriving from Las Palmas, before walking into St Hill, Jill, Fred and I
changed into our SO uniforms and made our dramatic entrance as intended
by LRH. The incident of me going into the manor monkey room and
sticking the dagger into the ceiling is described by Bent Corydon in his
book; Messiah or Madman.
To tell the truth, this dagger thing was a bit embarrassing for me, I
didn’t share L Ron Hubbard’s leaning toward the theatrical.
During the mission Reg Sharpe was removed from post. Up to then he
had been LRH’s right hand man. Reg left and with him his girlfriend,
Jenny Edmonds. Where they SP’s? Of course not. It was the missions
brief to get rid of anyone who in any way questioned the authority of
the Sea Org – there was to be no doubt about the SO’s powers and
position at the top of the ladder. And as has been confirmed since,
the mission was a success.
A note on the concept of SP
At the time of the first SO mission I only suspected but later became
certain that SP declares were as much a political tool as anything else.
In the bigger scheme of things it had less relevance to an
individual’s case. Sure, there are anti-social characters running
around, but let’s face it; by no stretch of the imagination did Reg
Sharpe and Jenny Edmonds along with hundreds of other declared people
fit the definition of SP as described in policy.
During my stint as director of review at St Hill, before the SO came
into being, LRH was doing research on SP and PTS. At that time this
data wasn’t seen as an ethics issue – it was a purely tech matter.
With LRH wearing the hat of case supervisor and me an auditor several
new procedures were tried out – such as S and D (search and discovery).
I recall the blunted purpose factor being identified as a main
contributing factor to SP behavior. From there procedures developed.
Anyway as it turned out, attempts to handle “troublesome sources” in
Scientology through tech weren’t working and ethics action was resorted
to. What was originally a Qualifications Division function was
replaced by ethics. In effect the review auditor was replaced by the
ethics officer. Some would argue that ethics tech was a natural
development born out of better understanding of human nature. I
disagree.
Confirmation of my views on SP data as a political tool came one evening
while in conversation with LRH over dinner aboard the Athena. I can
assure you, conversations with the old man were never boring. He
told me that there were basically two types of people in organizations;
the pioneering type and those who consolidate. For those in charge,
there was a time and place to use the pioneers and a time and place to
bring in the consolidators. As throughout the ages, when new
territory needed to be opened up only the pioneers are effective, but
once the land has been tamed; bring in the consolidators. It was a
case of bringing order – introducing laws and policy – setting
parameters for behavior – curbing further pioneering activity within the
established territory. That’s what consolidators do.
Here is an interesting thought; from the perspective of a typical
pioneer; a consolidator is likely to appear suppressive and from the
perspective of a dedicated consolidator the “uncontrollable” pioneer can
easily be perceived as suppressive. It’s simply a matter of
perspective. .
Some may prefer terms like innovative creative types and administrative
management types rather than pioneers and consolidators.
Consolidation of territory gained, invariably presents a problem; what
to do with the pioneers once they have done their thing. Retire them?
Relocate them? Put them on ice until needed again? If you have
been around Scientology organizations for some time you will have become
aware of the favored method; use ethics to get those who have
established the existing structure out the way. This also serves as a
way of dampening their pioneering spirit until needed again – this idea
doesn’t work so well in practice. There have been several occasions
when, according to LRH, a particular organizational structure in
Scientology passed its use by date. New structures had to be put in
place, which meant the old had to be dismantled – personalities and all.
More about this later.
Back to the story
Anyway as the first SO mission to St Hill came to an end Jill and Fred
were recalled to Las Palmas and I was sent on another mission. My
orders; go to Glasgow Scotland and buy another ship for the SO. On
arrival at the ship brokers I met a Mr. Scott. Since a ship; the
Royal Scotsman had already been identified as a possibility by Otto
Roos, my task was reasonably straight forward. So, after having
checked out the ship and a price agreed on, Mr. Scott and I shook hands
and the deal was done. Or so I thought. On phoning our lawyer DT at
St Hill, asking him to send the check, all I got from him a couple of
days later were a 10 page document to be signed by the brokers. This
inevitably resulted in lawyers on both sides getting involved and doing
what lawyers do. I think it was close on two weeks after Mr. Scott
and I shook hands and still the lawyers had not settled the matter. It
was then that I called DT and told him, send the check or else! The
check was handed over to Mr. Scott, the 10 page document wound up in the
trash can and I took possession of the ship for the SO.
Part of the deal was that a delivery crew was to take the ship to
Southampton. My immediate dilemma was to familiarize myself with the
ship as much as possible during the trip south. In size and
complexity she was certainly a step or two up from the Athena. I needed
help, so I got in touch with St Hill and recruited Ron Pook and an
Australian. Quite frankly I can’t recall the details of how exactly I
got hold of these two guys. Anyway between the three of us we would
keep our eyes open to pick up any relevant information about the ship. .
After several days at sea we arrived at Southampton. The gangplank
had hardly hit the dock and the delivery crew was gone. Bemused and
bewildered the three of us looked at each other – what now – do we know
enough to take care of this big bucket of bolts until who knows when.
While still contemplating what the worst was that could possibly happen,
it happened. From the dockside some official looking gentleman
shouted that we can’t stay were we where, we had to move to the other
side of the harbor.
Now, Southampton just happens to be one of the largest ports in the
world, with huge ships coming and going all the time Was the three
of us expected to take the ship across all that traffic and safely moor
her on the other side? To begin with, starting up the massive
Burmeister and Wain diesel engines was out of the question. In the
end it all worked out. We got a tugboat and hired some hands hanging
about the docks looking for work.
The Royal Scotsman had birthing for a few hundred passengers, a massive
main hold for cargo and in-between decks for cattle. As with the
Athena she had been pushed hard by her previous owners – a lot of
cleaning was required. Bright idea; go to St Hill and recruit sea org
members. Not sure how many were recruited during that period but
this I do know; the day LRH arrived with some of the crew from the
Athena the Scotsman was spotless.
While I was on the boat buying mission in Scotland the Athena sailed
from Las Palmas to Gibraltar, where she was left under the captaincy of
John O’Keefe. It was from there that LRH and crew came to join the
Scotsman in Southampton.
A few days after being joined by the crew from Gibraltar we were all set
to leave, but the British authorities had other ideas. The British
board of trade required all sorts of certificates and documentation from
us before they would permit us to sail. I think this was the reason
for us hiring a non-scientologist chief engineer, a certificated boson
and carpenter. As for the certificates we required for the life
rafts, life boats as well as some other stuff, it was left up to Jill to
handle the authorities, which she did very well. We eventually got
Clearance to sail for Brest in France, just across the channel.
Once there we were supposed to get the work done as stipulated by the
British board of trade, which of course we had no intention of doing.
At that stage LRH was captain and I chief officer.
As we headed south, passing Brest on our portside, LRH called all senior
officers into his cabin. Then he made a gesture as if falling off
his chair. Did you feel that, he asked. Puzzled we looked at each
other – feel what. What’s the matter with you guys, he said, can’t
you tell when you are in a really bad storm. Then we got the message.
We were supposed to have by-passed Brest because the bad weather made
it impossible for us to enter.
Relax and enjoy the sun
What followed were several idyllic weeks, the likes of which was
probably never experienced in the SO again. We were truly on an Ocean
cruise which became a Mediterranean cruise once we sailed pass the
Pillars of Hercules (Gibraltar) and entered the Med. After that
cruise I never again saw an SO crew, including LRH, nearly as laidback
for such a length of time. With so few of us onboard everyone could
enjoy the luxury of lots of free space I loved my job and looked
forward to being on watch late at night or early morning. Few things
compare to being out at sea on a starry night in fair weather.
Pleasant as things were, eventually we had to face the problem of not
being able to go into a port for supplies or anything else. We were
still sailing under the British flag and since we were only cleared to
sail to Brest from Southampton we had a problem. (The excuse that we
couldn’t enter Brest because of bad weather was in retrospect a no
brainier). Solution; register the ship under a different flag and
escape any restrictions placed on us by the British board of trade.
We were a couple of miles off the coast of Majorca. Using lifeboat
number 8 the two guys selected for the mission of changing the ships
nationality was taken in the dead of night and dropped off on some
deserted beach.
After that commando style operation the Apollo sailed around aimlessly
for awhile longer. Eventually we came within a mile or so off Monte
Carlo and several of us went ashore in lifeboat number 8 to send telex’s
and establish comm. with the outside world. Why do I keep referring
to lifeboat number 8? It was the only one with an engine – a not too
reliable an engine I might add. On this occasion as we approached the
Monte Carlo harbor, lined with multi million dolor yachts, number 8’s
engine packed up and we had to be rescued and towed in by a harbor
launch. So, what’s the big deal? Here is the thing; I am convinced
that our rescuers in there stylish jumpsuits, on their “perfect boat”,
had never laid eyes on such a scruffy bunch of desperado’s. They must
have thought for a moment that we were boat people escaping from some
North African country.
At some point after Monte Carlo we obviously got our new flag and new
nationality (Sierra Leon). From there we called on several ports,
sometimes staying in one place for long periods of time. The Royal
Scotsman, I think, had by now become the Apollo, LRH the commodore and
me captain of the Apollo. I am not certain of the sequence of events
and places around this time but I do recall certain places due to
particular incidents. For instance, a memory of serine peace at dawn
and the echo across the bay as the faithful were called to prayer as
well as the incident of the Apollo drifting helplessly into the channel
without engines after someone had let go the last mooring line, places
me in Tunis North Africa. The most memorable meal I have ever had puts
me in Marseilles France. Recalling the entire bow of the Apollo
disappearing into one of the biggest straightest waves I ever saw
locates me on the Atlantic side of Morocco as we left the port of
Agadir. Another lifeboat number 8 incident as well as the time the
Apollo got ripped loose from her moorings by a gale-force wind reminds
me of Cagliari Sardinia. As I said, the sequence of places and events
around that time is fuzzy.
In the meantime while we were cavorting around these exotic places
aboard the Apollo, what was the Athena up to? I’m not sure. I only
know what some of my buddies who were part of Athena crew at that time
told me. My next personal encounter with the Athena forms part of
that other lifeboat number 8 incident.
Life boat number 8 – again
The Athena I believe was in Gibraltar at the time she was ordered to
join the Apollo in Cagliari. On route she ran into one hell of a
blow. I am not to sure how LRH got news of the Athena’s encounter
with this storm, but he called me up to his office and told me to take
some people and go meet the Athena several miles out. O’Keefe, the
Athena’s captain, I think was to be replaced, some other changes were to
be made and the Athena was to be sent back to Spain. Hanna
(Whitfield) wore the HCO hat; she was to handle the ethics side of
things. Anyway, my job was to get the “mission” to the Athena and
back – in lifeboat number 8. There was a designated engineer for the
trip and I remember Baron Berez being the communicator. Altogether we
were about 8 or 9 people in the lifeboat.
It was already dark when we set out to rendezvous with the Athena.
Since we picked her up on the Apollo’s radar before we left we had some
idea of the course on which she was coming in. The further we went
out the choppier the sea became. It was a dark night, windy and
turbulent. Vision was poor. All shore lights had long since
disappeared behind us and we were completely surrounded by blackness.
Anyway, at some point we spotted the Athena’s navigation lights.
They were probably told by radio to look out for us. She kindly
presented us with a lee so that we could come along side without too
much trouble.
It immediately became obvious that this ship had been through something
really bad. Rust streaks were everywhere as if the waves had
“sandblasted” the hull and superstructure. The two large bins meant
to carry extra meat and which were fixed to the aft deck by several 12
millimeter bolts, were gone. The bolts had been completely sheered
off by the force of the waves. I looked up my buddies who were part
of Athena crew. I remember Graig Lipsitz, looking like he hadn’t
slept for a week, so did Fred Payer. Yvonne Gilham looked tired but
as usual she was smiling and quite expressive in her account of the
event. There were actually several guys who didn’t seem too be
hassled by their experience. I suppose what I saw to a large extent
was the relief that it was over. Little Margarita, the
non-scientologist Spanish staff member from Las Palmas, seemed unfazed,
even exited while she told me what went down. So, while I was being
entertained by Margarita, the serious ethics stuff was being
implemented. I got the distinct impression that the Athena crew was
not too happy about being sent back.
Our mission done, we got back into the lifeboat and hung about to see
the Athena turn around and head back to Spain. It was now about 23.00
and the wind had picked up quite a bit – waves were much bigger.
OK, I said to the engineer, start the engine and let’s get the hell out
of here. An hour or so later we had still not managed to get the
engine started. Here we were bobbing up and down, getting wet, being
cold, in pitch darkness and no engine. Well it was inevitable;
suddenly there was the crackle on the radio held by Berez. It was
LRH. He wanted to know where we were and when we expect to get back.
Berez gave the old man a brief rundown on what was happening.
After some advice from LRH to the engineer he went off the air. But
not for long. Soon the howling wind became blocked out by the sound
of the old man’s voice over the radio as he yelled instructions.
The scene was something like this; At first, communication between
LRH and us, via Berez, was about getting the engine started. When
this didn’t work out it was about getting us to row the boat. Anyone
who has ever tried to row a typical lifeboat in more than meter high
waves will tell you, it’s a waste of time and energy. Anyway you can
imagine how the volume of the old man’s voice steadily increased during
these attempts to run the show from the Apollo via a radio.
Apart from us merely going through the motions of carrying out these
impractical instructions another scenario was unfolding. After the
initial communication and as the “heat” was turned up by the old man,
Berez decided It was no longer wise to be at the receiving end of this
erupting volcano. Next thing I know Berez chucks the radio to me.
As it flies through the air there is this thundering voice emanating
from it. I catch it and decide instantly; no way. I immediately
chuck the radio to someone else, who clearly had also decided that they
would rather skip this opportunity to converse with the commodore.
Just as quickly the radio is passed to another who also figures they
will give it a miss and chucks it to someone else. I know this went on
for a few minutes until someone boldly reestablished comm. It seemed
now that LRH finally realized the situation. Once the engine packed
up we were left with two options. One; we make ourselves as
comfortable as possible and wait till dawn, hoping the weather won’t get
worse. Two; someone comes out as soon as possible and tows us back
into port.
As it turned out LRH informed us that the Diana (a 65 ft SO ketch) was
coming out to tow us in. We figured it would take her close on two
hours to get to us; all we can do now is cuddle up to each other and try
to keep warm. By this time staying dry was out of the question.
Then, out of the blue, someone says; who feels like a drink, holding up a
bottle of vodka. Our hero, I can assure you. We passed the bottle
around, each taking a gulp. The bottle made only one round and it was
empty.
A wonderful sense of camaraderie settled over us as we relaxed and began
to see the humor in it all. It seemed that we stopped resisting the
considerable motion of the lifeboat. I recall me sitting back
thinking; I wouldn’t change this for anything.
After about two hours there was the Diana with LRH looming large,
bullhorn in hand. We took the tow line and got back in port just as
dawn was breaking. And for whatever reason the old man told the cook
to fix us all a very special breakfast.
Mission into Time
At some point Apollo wound up in Valencia Spain. Alongside was the
Athena. We were preparing for Mission into Time. For this venture I
was transferred to the Athena as captain with orders to ready the boat
and crew. I was given carte blanche to pick my crew from all aboard
the Apollo and Athena. There were a few exceptions; Mary Sue, my wife
Jill and a few others held key org posts and couldn’t be spared to go
off “treasure hunting”.
For my work done in getting the Athena and crew ready for the Mission
into Time I became the first SO member to be put in a condition of
power. I guess my head would have swollen a size or two had I not
known the politics behind such awards.
And this brings me to one of the most profound magical moments in my SO
career; the night we sailed out of Valencia on the good ship Athena.
After we had left port and the initial excitement of the crew started
subsiding and all had had a good meal, most began to seek out their
bunks. Eventually, around midnight, everyone apart from the crew on
watch was asleep, including LRH. Inside the wheelhouse (bridge) there
was only the helmsman (wish I could remember who he was) and the
quartermaster (I remember her well). Up top on the flying bridge was a
lookout (can’t remember who he was either). Down below in the engine
room was the engineer on watch. Apart from the occasional thump of a
wave against the bow and the swoosh of spray against the bridge
superstructure all was quite. Once in awhile the lookout would report
something.
There was a stiff breeze, but to me it felt more like the caress of some
mischievous sea nymph. There were sizable waves but all they did was
gently rock the Athena like a mother would her child. Wind and sea
played along beautifully. As I stood outside on the bridge wing
peering out into the darkness feeling the occasional salty spray on my
face, I thought to myself; it doesn’t get any better than this. And so
Mission into Time began.
Mission into Time definitely had its moments, much of which was not
covered in the book. For instance I don’t think it is mentioned that
the terrain LRH wanted us to check out was surrounded by barbed wire and
out of bounds to the public. The area was also guarded by armed
Italian guards. What to do? Solution; get some hot SO chick (NF) and
an Italian speaking SO member (NP), arm them with a couple of cartons
of cigarettes and turn them loose on the guards. It didn’t take “Laura
Croft” and “James Bond” long to lure the guards into the guard hut and
distract them while a couple of us jumped the fence and carried out our
mission. .
A week or so before completion of Mission into Time I was sent on
mission to St Hill to sort out some org business. Hanna took over
from me as captain. By the time I had finished this particular St
Hill mission the Athena had sailed for Marseilles. There I rejoined
her and was again appointed captain. Within days of resuming captaincy
the proverbial shit hit the fan.
The balance is disturbed
By this time most ethics conditions had been formulated and were being
implemented. But, it would be awhile yet before the mindless
application of these conditions would become a dominant characteristic
of many SO members. Consolidation at its worst.
Scientology (the SO in particular), being the kind of organization it
was, attracted to it some strange characters with all kinds of flaws and
qualities. During the pioneering phase of the SO it was these unique
personalities each with their peculiar characteristics who served as
midwife and nurse to the SO. But as the child grew change became
necessary – more consolidation was required.
In terms of pioneer and consolidator it is never a case of either or; in
any enterprise there is always a bit of both. The real issue is one of
balance. Creating a winning culture depends on the correct ratio
between independent innovative and creative personnel (pioneer types)
and those who keep proper records and maintain the infrastructure of an
organization (consolidators).
It is my opinion that SO orientation began to tilt in favor of
consolidation not long after Mission into Time and the shift really
accelerated after the Corfu incident. From then on forward emphasis
on total commitment to The Cause grew rapidly and individual innovation
and creativity wasn’t merely discouraged it became a real no-no.
I wouldn’t be surprised if it were found that a growing imbalance in the
Tech Admin ratio coincided with the rise of the consolidator
(administrator).
Back to the story.
While in Marseilles LRH had moved ashore into a villa. Problem was
he was never cleared through immigration or customs. As it happens,
where the Athena was docked it was possible to go outside the harbor
parameter without going through a check point. The point is, on
arrival in Marseilles, whoever’s responsibility it was to see that all
was legal for LRH to go ashore didn’t do so. Now the authorities
wanted to lock the old man up for illegally entering France. It took
days of delicate negotiation with French authorities to get the
situation handled – delicate from our side and typically indelicate and
expressive from the side of the French. It was a feather in the cap of
our negotiating team to keep LRH completely out of the fracas. I
must add I doubt if we would have pulled it off without the help of the
local French rep from the company doing work on our engines.
During this particular stay in Marseilles some interesting
organizational developments took place. Up until then the flagship
captain and other ship captains were answerable to the commodore. At
that point the Athena was the flagship. What LRH was now working on
was the refinement of the commodore’s staff org. Vital to its
establishment was to impose and affirm seniority of the CS’s over the
ship captains. I don’t know the details of what LRH told his CS’s up
in the villa, but I had a pretty good idea. I had been in that
position myself when briefed by him to assert the SO’s authority during
the first SO mission to St Hill.
For instance, this is how early efforts to establish the authority of
the CS’s manifested. After the completion of work done on the Athena’s
engine it was time for sea trials. LRH would be represented by CS
4, now in charge of all SO ships. As CS 4 walked onto the bridge I
detected that he wasn’t very comfortable, in fact he was seriously
uptight. Out at sea I gave the helmsman the course to steer. And
then it happened. CS 4 stepped up and said we should set a different
course. For a moment I thought he was just trying to be helpful; then
I realized he was dead serious and in the process of asserting his
seniority. What followed lasted probably only 10 seconds. The
verbal abuse I hurled at CS4 in that short time would have made any
sailor proud. I can’t recall him saying another word after that.
I was never censured for this outburst by the powers that be up at the
villa, but I knew it was noted. Then there was the time when 2 CS’s
reported to LRH that the crew was unfriendly to them – they weren’t
shown the respect due to them. That was when I got a phone call from
the commodore ordering me to comev the entire crew, which I refused.
During the following weeks several attempts were made to “legally” get
me out the way to make way for LRH’s intended consolidation. I was
comeved a couple of times on the most transparent trumped up charges,
none of which could be made to stick. (Diana Hubbard was chairperson on
one of those comeves that didn’t get the desired result). Now you
may ask; since when was false evidence an obstacle to finding the
accused guilty? Suffice it to say that prevailing circumstances were
in my favor. .
Exactly when this next incident took place is unclear. But, in a face
to face conversation with LRH, he pointed out that he needed to
introduce the next step in organizational development – not in those
words exactly, but the message was clear. In order for him to do so
certain changes had to be made. For instance, captain Joe’s authority
had to be curtailed. And since the methods employed up to then had
failed to do so – what do I suggest? My suggestion was that I go to
the AO in Alicante and join my wife, the CO, whom I hadn’t seen in
months. Also since I haven’t been active in Tech for sometime it would
be nice to get behind an e-meter for a change. This was ok’d by LRH.
Now I won’t blame any ex SO members or those still in, to question or
simply dismiss the validity of this story. Imagine LRH casually
admitting to what amounts to the manipulation of ethics policy to get
his way and what’s more, admitting to having failed at it. The best I
can do to corroborate my story is to refer to the records. If copies
of comeves and orders of the day of that time are still around it
shouldn’t be difficult to line up the sequence of events leading up to
my eventual transfer to the AO in Alicante. .
My stint at Alicante was mainly uneventful. The flamenco dancing to
which Fred Payer introduced me was of course amazing. He and I and
some others from the org were regular patrons at the castle up the hill
where the shows took place. We were fortunate enough to become very
well acquainted with the dancers and musicians in the troop. The
catalyst for this was a girl from the AO for whom the lead guitarist in
the flamenco troop had the hots. The result was that the troop would
often join us after their show, dancers and all. What I learnt first
hand from these people about flamenco tradition and passion was
fascinating.
Magic, coincidence, the procedure or simply the power of mind?
There was another incident at Alicante which has relevance to my views
on the overall approach of Scientology to the human mind and soul. In
this regard I will outline the conclusions of my journey through
Scientology and a wide range of metaphysical, scientific and other
teachings dealing with body, mind and soul at a later stage. So for
now I am simply stating an observation with no bias as to the actual
cause – magic, coincidence, the procedure or simply the power of mind.
In the course of my journey before, during and after scientology I have
witnessed and experienced things which seemed, at the time, to be beyond
explanation within the context of generally accepted frames of
reference. This particular incident occurred during an auditing
session with me as the auditor. Joan Thomas, who was the director of
review at Alicante, handed me the folder of a pc in trouble. After I
had gone over it and seen the pc I told Joan that this pc needed a
doctor and a large doze of antibiotics. Half the pc’s face was swollen
and looked like a soccer ball. One eye was completely shut and the
other closed up about 70%. The pc was in terrible agony. Joan wasn’t
falling for any of my attempts to get out of taking on this pc. So
off EF and I went into session. About an hour into the session
during an assessment with three items left on the list I suddenly saw
the TA blow down from 5 to 2. The pc gave out a load scream, yelling
out one of the remaining items. At that instant the apses in her ear
burst with puss streaming out. Within seconds of the pc identifying
the item the swelling began to subside and the pain was gone. By the
time we arrived at the examiner EF’s face was almost back to normal. I
must add, memorable as this session was, it wasn’t the only time I
witnessed such dramatic phenomena as an auditor.
No doubt many auditors throughout their auditing careers have seen some
strange things happen and there is certainly something to be learnt from
it all. As inferred earlier, I will outline my views and conclusions
on such matters later.
At some point Alecante AO was closed down and Jill and I were ordered to
rejoin the Apollo in Corfu Greece. Not having had a break for some
time, we applied for leave, which began at Victoria station in London.
From there we traveled by train right through Europe down the boot of
Italy to Brindisi. During the trip we stayed over at places like
Paris and Rome to do some sightseeing. From Brindizi we crossed over
to Corfu by ferry and were back on the Apollo.
Corfu; a turning point
Within days of being back on board I was assigned captain. At first we
had excellent relations with the locals. We were wined and dined by
the local governor as well as two brothers who represented the most
prominent family on the Island. In the case of the two brothers I
suspect that their interest in us had more to do with the many very
attractive women aboard the Apollo than anything else.
Our stay in Corfu was a lengthy one. At first we were anchored out in
the bay, during which period we had to come in once or twice to dock and
take on fuel and water. While LRH and his staff were busy running
orgs world wide my job was pretty straight forward, hence I was always
on the look out for challenges. Like the time I took up a challenge
from LRH a day before we had to go into dock. Here is the thing; as I
said the Apollo initially anchored out in the bay. We had both, port
and starboard, anchors out. So what happened is that with each
incoming and outgoing tide the boat swung 360 degrees around her
anchors. Imagine how entangled the two anchor chains became after
awhile. The view of LRH on the day before we were to go in was that
it would be impossible to untangle the anchor chains from each other
without the help of a tugboat. I was to get a tug early the next
morning to do the necessary. Instead I got up very early the next
day, woke up the engineers and told them to start up the engines.
Once we had power I started playing with the port and starboard
propellers, working them to get the boat swinging counter to the twist
in the anchor chains. It worked and we went in without any assistance
from a tugboat.
At various times while serving as captain of the Athena and Apollo I got
fired by the commodore only to be reinstated not long afterwards. I
think the least time between being fired and reinstatement was one day.
This happened while on Mission into Time. I had just been fired the
day before, don’t ask me for what. The next day as the Diana came
alongside the Athena her mainstay got caught up in the Athena’s cargo
boom. There was enough of a swell to put serious strain on the
Diana’s mast – it could break. This was certainly the view of LRH as
he screamed at the people standing round to do something. I flipped
off my shoes and virtually ran up the boom. At the top I struggled a
bit to undo the mainstay from the boom and eventually succeeded. As I
slid down the boom and reached the bottom LRH said, well done captain –
instant reinstatement.
The time I got fired in Corfu went something like this. One of the
commodore’s messengers came up to me and informed me that the commodore
wanted to see me. At that point I had no reason to suspect that
anything was wrong, but as I approached his office and noticed some of
his aides including Mary Sue avoiding eye contact with me and making
haste to vacate the area I knew – here it comes. Before I even
entered his office there he was in my face screaming at me for making a
dog’s breakfast of the ship. Then he took a swing at me, I ducked
and felt the swoosh of air over my head as he missed the target. For a
second there I thought he was going to go down as he lost his balance.
Next he screamed at me telling me to go fix up my mess. I only
found out what he was talking about once I got out on deck and one of
the messengers informed me.
Here is the thing; the Apollo spent most of her life up north in very
damp conditions. Since she entered the Med the timber deck above the
commodore’s office began to dry out. As a consequence it resulted in
some leaking into LRH’s office leaving visible rust streaks down the
bulkheads. The short of it is I was fired as captain, once again, and
put on the deck force to fix up “my mess”.
It was during our stay in Corfu that the class 8 auditor’s course was
launched. The first batch of students to attend the course came from
outer orgs. There introduction to the SO environment was a baptism of
fire as evidenced on the introductory class 8 tapes. During the
course over-boards became SOP. And I must admit I had a pretty
callous attitude regarding this practice until a particular incident
influenced my views. In other words, I saw nothing wrong in people
being chucked off the aft deck until a friend of mine who couldn’t swim
was over-boarded. The terror and humiliation this guy had to endure
was a sad day for me.
Once the first batch of class 8 graduates went back to their respective
orgs, a bunch of SO auditors were put on the course of which I was one.
Now I have no doubt that for some being thrown overboard was not a
pleasant experience. However, there were quite a few to whom it
really was no big deal. To good swimmers and people used to diving
off high places, it was no problem. But as I said, I came to realize
that to people who couldn’t swim it must have been a most harrowing
experience.
Not too long after the class 8 course for crew Jill was assigned CO of
the new “University of Scientology” which was to be established on the
island. .
It is a matter of record that we picked up some problems in Corfu. To
whatever extent the CIA or Interpol was blamed for the ships being
kicked out of Corfu there were some shenanigans by certain crew members
going on ashore which probably contributed to our PR taking a dip.
It is also general knowledge that we were given 24 hours to get out of
Greece. LRH called Jill to his office and asked her what she was
going to do with “her org”, which was already fully staffed and ready to
open for business. I suggested that we set up in Copenhagen.
Why? I had been there at some point earlier on another ship buying
mission during which time I checked out the place and liked it. So we
loaded the org materials aboard the Athena and sailed out of Corfu.
Our next port was Naples in Italy where the future AODK crew and
materials were offloaded to find their way across Europe to Denmark.
As for the Apollo, we where informed that she was about to disappear off
the radar and will be out of comm. for some time. It was a case of
don’t call us we will call you.
AODK
The trip by train to Copenhagen was another Keystone cops episode.
Imagine changing trains several times with around 30 staff members along
with huge trunks filled with AO materials. A couple of places we only
had a few minutes to change from one train to another. When we got to
Germany, we discovered some trunks filled with OT materials and course
tapes including the class 8 tapes were missing – we had left it on the
train in Milan. Don’t ask. If you have been around in the SO for
awhile words aren’t necessary here.
Mike Stainsforth and one other were immediately sent back to find the
stuff. Imagine our relief when they caught up with us having
successfully retrieved the material. The coach with our stuff still
aboard was found amongst hundreds of others awaiting cleaning and
possible maintenance.
Having found the perfect building for an AO on a farm outside Copenhagen
we set up shop. Soon however we realized we had a problem. Simple
fact was we had no established lower level feeder orgs – we had no
established field. Yet it was up to us to make things go right.
With very limited set-up funds, a crew to feed, rent to pay and no
established field from which to cultivate an AO public, things looked
kinda grim. Keep in mind there was only one org in Europe at that
time. Paris was it with not much else going on. We were supposed to
get our public from SA, AUS and NZ, but that would take time.
In spite of this grim picture what follows next turned out to be another
memorable period in my SO career. .Knowing that the org was in the
hands of some very competent people I could get out there and do my
thing. Jill was without a doubt one of the best org CO’s I have ever
known and I bet few equaled her since. Ask anyone who knew her.
First I spent some time putting a team together. I personally hand
picked and recruited the people I wanted to work with. The team
consisted of about 8 really special people. .
Using a list of book buyers, a couple of us regularly set out making
contact and setting up groups all over Europe. And we made it fun.
On occasion we would “raid” St Hill UK for European, South African and
Anzac pc’s and students – people who had signed up for services there
before AODK was set up. As you can imagine this didn’t go down well
with the St Hill guys. Eventually every time they saw us coming all
they could say was; here come the Vikings. Of course the Guardians
office freaked at our blatant Viking behavior and later tried to clip my
wings via Mary Sue. They never succeeded. .
Anyway, true to form, at some point a mission arrived from Flag to
replace Jill and me at AODK. It was obvious to me that after such a
long absence Flag had to reaffirm an ethics presence across the planet.
In the case of AODK the mission immediately realized that they
couldn’t simply fire us in typical SO fashion due to our involvement in
the expansion of Europe. Jill and I suggested that we write our own
mission orders so as to complete what we started. This was ok’d.
That’s when the two of us left for Germany and set up the Munich org
from were we continued expansion to other parts of Europe. Now I know
much later after Jill and I had gone back to South Africa Bill
Robertson came along setting himself up as the “founder” of Scientology
in Europe. Gerrrrrrrrrr.
Time to move on
I returned to the Apollo in the early 70’s without Jill, not sure
exactly when. My last job on Flag was an LRH project to compile all
the internships up to class 12 auditor, which I completed. At the time
it wasn’t general knowledge that LRH intended to get back into the USA
at some stage. When I got wind of it I began pushing to be allowed to
return to SA to my family; my wife and son who was born in Munich. It
wasn’t entirely true that the reason I wanted to get back to SA was to
be with my family. My enthusiasm for the SO was beginning to wane. I
felt increasingly uncomfortable in what I perceived to be a changing
atmosphere – the organizational climate was becoming a bit too chilly
for me. This on its own would probably not have been reason enough for
me to distance myself from Scientology. The thing is I was beginning
to have my own ideas about thetans, spirits and the overall nature of
consciousness. .
In the end I managed to get back to SA before the Apollo went across to the States.
Back in SA I joined Folo-Af, but from day one I had problems with my
seniors, or rather, they had problems with me. To cut a long story
short; during my stay at Folo-Af I was expelled a couple of times by
Flag and reinstated a couple of times. Some effort was made by Flag to
get me back to Flag. On one occasion Delwyn Sanderson, with whom I
had a very close relationship way back on the Apollo, was sent to find
out what was up with me.
Eventually I left Folo-Af and started doing my own thing. If I had to
put a time on when I finally broke with Scientology I guess it would be
around 1980. Since then I have continued on a journey of exploring
the nature of consciousness.
What a waste!
I have gone down the list of declared SP’s, the vast majority of whom I
don’t know. But of the names I do recognize most of them were at one
stage dedicated, experienced, well trained Scientologists. They all
added value to the organization and most of them would probably still
have been active had it not been for the seriously flawed benchmarks
(policy) in accordance with which the value of a staff member is
measured.
In simple terms, these people were measured not by what they gave to the
organization but by the extent of their submission to “source”. The
individual contribution by many was considerable; in some cases vital to
the survival of the organization. Some such stories have been told
but many more remain unacknowledged.
The matter of self-praise and ego aside, I did my bit to “keep the SO afloat” so to speak.
While in Cagliari the Apollo was moored stern to with several other
ships moored similarly on either side. In other words, there was this
row of ships, side by side, with their sterns all facing the dock while
their bows were held facing away from the dock by their anchors laid
out in front of them. Each ship was secured to the dock by at least 4
stern lines. The distance between stern and dock was around 6 to 8
meters and the distance between ships approximately 40 meters.
On this particular day the wind was howling and exerting extreme
pressure broadside on the large surface area of the Apollo’s side.
This put serious strain on the two port stern lines holding us to the
dock. I noticed this and had the crew put out our “insurance line” to
support the other two port side lines. This was a wire cable twice
the thickness of the other lines.
Anyway Norman Starkey, who I think was the 2nd mate at the time, and I
were in the aft lounge having coffee when it happened. We heard a
loud crack like sound. I immediately knew what had happened; a line
had snapped. We ran up onto the aft deck and watched as the second
line began to unravel under the strain. Within seconds it too
snapped followed by the next. The Apollo was visibly beginning to
pick up sideways momentum.
Obvious unfolding scenario: The remaining starboard stern lines would
not be able to stop the increasing sideways momentum of the Apollo.
Within less than a minute all remaining lines where going to break.
This would mean that within about two minutes or so we where going to be
smashed up against the boat lying next to us. The possibility of her
stern lines holding against the impact of the Apollo crashing into her
was unlikely. We where looking at a high probability of a domino
effect – each ship in turn being ripped from its stern moorings by the
others being blown onto it. But what about the bow anchors out front
– wouldn’t they eventually prevent all these ships from being blown
across the bay onto the rocks on the other side? Fortunately this
possibility was never to be put to the test.
Anyway, there we were; disaster staring us in the face but, as it turned
out, it wasn’t inevitable. Unlike most ships the Apollo had a stern
anchor. Since we had no use for it we consequently never used it and
that presented a problem once I realized that our only hope of averting
disaster was to let go the stern anchor. The thing is that unless
deck equipment like winches, anchors and stuff like that are regularly
used or inspected the mechanisms become corroded and unusable. So, to
my horror I discovered that the devils claw holding the chain and the
anchor brake were jammed solid. To this day I don’t know where I got
a crowbar from, but I used it to apply leverage to the brake wheel and
bashed away with it to dislodge the devils claw. Keep in mind every
second was priceless.
Eventually the devils claw came loose and I got the brake wheel to turn.
But still the chain wouldn’t run. It required several hefty kicks
to loosen up the chain and down the anchor went with a splash. This
was not the end of it, there was no guarantee that the anchor would
hold. To increase the chances of the anchor holding I had to allow
some chain to run out. But how much chain will do the trick? All
stern lines had broken by now and the ship toward which we where moving
looked like it was within spitting distance. I recall seeing, out of
the corner of my eye, her crew scrambling around the decks panic
stricken. I picked my moment and applied the anchor brake. The
Apollo kept moving as she took up the slack in the chain – now we were
within actual spitting distance of the other ship. Suddenly the Apollo
lurched and rolled over slightly as the anchor bit into the ground. I
couldn’t believe it – the anchor held. Imagine the dire consequences
to the SO had things not worked out the way they did.
In the final analysis, what I am trying to say is that the
organizational mindset of Scientology is inclined to waste its most
valuable resource; highly trained, experienced and creative people.
Looking at most of the people I know on the list of Scientology enemies I
see “what could have been” had different benchmarks been used to
measure the value of people.
Was it worth it?
Do I think my time spent in Scientology was worth it? Without a doubt.
Where else would I have come in contact with so many likeminded
amazing people, many of whom became close friends of mine. Not to
mention the interesting adventures and exotic places I experienced.
As for the philosophy and technology of Scientology, for me it
definitely served as a doorway to the exploration of consciousness.
I believe the real value of Scientology lies in its capability to get a
shift in mindset – to get people to change their minds – to enable the
individual to see things differently – to get people stepping outside
conventional frames of reference. And that is one hell of an
achievement in this modern era.
“Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change
their minds cannot change anything”. Ralph Waldo Emerson.
What I do not go along with is when the technology prescribes what the
individual should see, as reflected in the OT levels and OT 3 in
particular. In other words, the OT levels dictate the case the pc is
to create. And this messes with the core of consciousness, which is
creation. If a pc came up with OT 3 phenomena on his own accord that
would be an entirely different matter, but to prescribe it is bypassing
his fundamental creative nature.
Whether the story behind OT 3 is true or not is immaterial. Some pc’s
may be inclined to run incidents of Alice in Wonderland instead, but if
that’s the reality which holds the pc’s attention then that’s where to
go. Anyway, that is my personal opinion.
L Ron Hubbard has come under some severe criticism over the years, some
of which I know from personal experience is unfounded. This I know for
sure, he had an amazing knack for getting people to achieve beyond what
they believed was possible. His expectation that people can jump
higher than they thought they could somehow inspired them to do so.
And no, fear was not the catalyst in the instances I have in mind.
As far as his work in terms of the mind is concerned there can be no
doubt that new ground was broken. It is highly probable that once
the controversy surrounding Scientology organizations die down he will
be acknowledged for his contribution.
My philosophical conclusions since I left Scientology
I see my philosophical and metaphysical conclusions since I left
Scientology as feasible suppositions and not as facts Basically these
conclusions can be summed up as follows.
It is a typical human trait to think that what is being perceived and
experienced is real – that what our sensory receptors register is the
way things actually are. In other words we do not question what we
see and experience as being anything other than the way the world
actually is. Yet within this conviction of what is real lies a
well-hidden assumption. We assume that we are objective observers,
able to investigate natural phenomena and view the human condition from
an unbiased vantage point. The idea that our observations may be
defined in terms of a biased human perspective is generally not factored
into our worldview. Actually, how we define aspects of existence,
such as time, space, energy and consciousness are first and foremost
interpretations of the mind – the human perspective.
It was not realized by the architects of classical science that the
nature of reality as measured and defined by them was given meaning,
relevance and value in accordance with their own personal prejudices as
well as the prevailing scientific mindset. The idea that the
scientific observer’s observations may be subjected to a hidden personal
frame of reference or paradigm, was not factored into the scientific
community’s conclusions. This is still very prevalent today, in spite
of revelations in quantum mechanics.
Actually our understanding of all we perceive and experience, all the
laws of nature, including time, space and energy is first and foremost
an interpretation of the mind – the human perspective. What we think
of as reality is the human mind’s rendition of what enters our
awareness via our senses, intellect and/or intuition. In other
words, our human perception and experience – our humanness, is the only
measure we have of what is real – of what is true.
“Time and space are not conditions of existence, time and space is a model for thinking” Einstein.
“What we observe is not nature itself, but nature exposed to our method of questioning” Heisenberg.
“What we see depends on the theories we use to interpret our observations” Goswami.
Not only does beauty lie in the eye of the beholder but the meaning,
relevance and value of everything. The human perspective, whether
defined in terms of a frame of reference, a paradigm, a point of view or
opinion is a mindset construct.
“It is in the nature of human beings to bend information in the direction of desired conclusions”. John Naisbitt.
“Physical concepts are free creations of the human mind and are not,
however it may seem, uniquely determined by the external world”.
Einstein.
“Things are this way because this is the story we humans tell based on
the way we see the world and explain it”. Marcelo Gleiser.
Our worldview or opinion of another, more often than not reveals little
of the world or the other, but says a great deal about us. Whatever
our frame of reference in life – whatever the basis of our worldview, be
it science, religion, metaphysics, culture or simply common sense, all
are subject to our mindset.
In other words, one factor lies at the heart of consciousness; creation.
Whatever else we think we may be up to we are constantly in creation
mode – creation of the reality in which we find ourselves. Agreed,
this is a simplistic view of the matter, there is a great deal more to
our inherent state of creation. In fact I have written a whole book
on the matter – not yet published.
.
My following supposition is unlikely to sit well with many. In simple
terms it amounts to this; we create our own case constantly – the pc is
creating the incident right there and then in session to explain his
condition. In my earlier reference to an auditing session in which the
pc identified the item which resulted in the instant recovery of her
swollen face, she simply created a scenario which fit the condition.
In broader terms; a particular mindset is an attempt to provide a frame
of reference in accordance with which the individual may be oriented.
The actual issue is remaining oriented in an ever changing world.
Christianity, Islam, nationalism, communism, Scientology as well as the
scientific approach are all essentially means of achieving suitable
orientation which will then allow self-expression – self-actualization.
Hence my attitude; if it works for you use it.
I believe people should be supported in their beliefs whatever it may
be. The only two conditions under which it is justified to withhold
support are when:
• We are convinced that their beliefs are causing them to loose touch
with an ever changing world and putting them and others in harms way.
• We are sure that we are not trying to impose our own belief system onto them.
I think the following two principles of mindset management say it all.
Mindset determines how we see our world. How we see our world
determines how we experience it, which in turn determines our responses
and behavior.
Whatever it is we are looking at it is possible to see it differently
and consequently experiencing it differently, which then opens the door
to a different perspective – a different reality.
My motto; Change your mind – Change your world.
Joe van Staden
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Captain Joe van Staden and I had a few private e-mails...in his own words he looked upon his time in scientology as a and I quote "great adventure". Great adventure for whom, Captain Van Staden? So correct me if I am wrong, but a great adventure is locking people up in cupboards, giving them a severe reality check, blackmail, threats and not allowing them to talk to their own children. All night interrogation by several people(bullbaiting) to the point of collapse, followed by locking them in a cupboard under the stairs at Abellund, Jernbanegade 6
and then throwing them off of the property at 5am in the morning to make sure there were NO witnesses and all in the name of RELIGION?
I sent my Father your regards as requested, he said "Fuck off!"
Between March 1969 and approximately August 1969 our Father drifted around Denmark, he could not go back to England as he had no passport. Why he did not go to the authorities is totally beyond me and no amount of prompting by myself seemed to get a satisfactory answer. He admitted he had smuggled cash onto the Apollo for LRH, this shocked me, because he was my Father and I could not bring myself to understand why he would do such a thing. But the answers to my questions about not going to the authorities or getting help from the Police were even more perturbing, this was when the whole thing about black magic came up and my Father seemed to think the 'authorities and the powers that be' were all in on LRHs scheme also. He told me this in 1976 and stuck by this same story in 2006.Weird stories about the CIA, MI5 and MI6. The final straw for me was when he told me quite matter of factually, he, our Father was James Bond...seems to be an awful lot of people in Scientology called James Bond... I wonder if it's code for spy, or maybe even licensed to kill...whatever it is, by this time I thought my head would explode. I told him "cut the cloak and dagger stuff..." and then we got onto souls...I wished I hadn't asked.
It was about this time, October 1976 I realised there was something seriously wrong with my Father, he was not the man I had flown to Tunisia with and joined the Sea Org, he was not the same man at all...he saw spies everywhere, he shouted at the television and got really angry. He turned mirrors to face the wall, so 'they' could not see him, watching him everywhere he went. It freaked me out! I had gone through enough weird and freaky stuff to last me a life time, this was more than I could bare.
He told me he had been living in hostels with the Salvation Army and he had been to stay with his sister. He never mentioned anything about his 'other' family where my two sisters lived, two sisters I had never known...it would be many years before I would find out about them and still some more years to fit all the pieces together...
There was the time, late in 1969 when my Father appeared late at night when I got back from babysitting the boys over the road so their parents could attend St. Hill. I spoke to him for all of a second, we would talk in the morning...by morning...he'd gone. The big SP that I was not allowed to talk to.
Around 1974 I was allowed to speak to him on the phone a couple of times and we actually spent an afternoon together, very strange and he still wasn't the man I had once known. This was when I found out there was another baby on the way...Mara. I even spoke to the baby's Mother a couple of times, but nothing was discussed about Scientology or what had happened in 1969...
Then nothing until late Autumn 1976, when he appeared at my door with this little suitcase and he really was not the man I had known as a child. This was when I found out there were two sisters but it had not worked out with their Mother."Hadn't worked out" was one way of putting it, I suppose, but the truth of the matter was a far cry from just "hadn't worked out".
It was to be many, many years before I would find out just what that truth was...
The last time I spoke to My Father was quite a long time before he died, we argued and I was furious because some time in 1975 he had beaten the Mother of my two sisters when they were very young...when I confronted him about this we argued over the weapon he had used. My sister said it was a hob nailed boot, my Father said it was a slipper, I said; there is a huge difference between a hobnailed boot and a slipper, he said; let's just agree it was some kind of shoe... I never spoke to him again.
There are still some missing pieces, however, I will fill them in as and when I get the information...going back to late 1969 when our Father first appeared back in England from Denmark...he was on the run from L. Ron Hubbard and scientology. It is not known whether or not he brought this woman back with him from Denmark or not (yes, this is yet another woman that I did not know about and she is Danish) he lived in a bedsit in London with her, from what I can gather it was virtually a condemned building and was in a dreadful state.The Danish lady was pregnant, yet another one of our Fathers offcasts. This baby was adopted, yet another baby girl and I am told she was adopted by people that live in my home town, can you imagine my thoughts when I received this information? All verified by our Father. He married this Danish lady, and the next day she went back to Denmark to visit her parents and our Father never ever heard from her again.
Whilst living in this squalid bedsit in London, the Finance Police Department of L. Ron Hubbard's navy - The Sea Org Ethics Officers turned up in full naval uniform and demanded our Father pay his 'Free Loaders' bill ( for anyone reading that does not know; A freeloaders bill is sent to everyone that leaves the Sea Org to pay for their keep whilst they were in the Sea Org and any courses or services they received whilst in the Sea Org) Our Father says they turned up several times. On at least one occasion there is a witness to this.Not everyone gets the Ethics Officer / Master at Arms at their door though, but our Father did, in 1970.
Also whilst living at this address, there was another lady who lived downstairs and they were friends. Our Father, the Danish lady and the Mother of my two sisters, when the Danish lady left, our Father started a relationship with the Mother of my two sisters.
One account from the Mother of my two sisters from this period...she would go up to have a cup of coffee, but there would be no where to sit down, the entire room was wall to wall piles of papers and books, there was no where to move in the room and if she tried to move anything off of the chair to sit down, our Father got very irritated about this.What to me is very significant about this description is that 38 years later in another part of the country that is exactly how I found him. Only now it's not a bedsit but an entire flat.
I am struggling to write this as every paragraph is more bizarre than the last...
A short interruption with a video that is a must see...
http://youtu.be/gfxcu82_7vU
Janis Gillham/ Grady, when you can admit to the lies told, maybe, just maybe we might have something to the lies told...not about my kids...not about your kids... what about the other kids...don't you think you have an obligation...I Do! I have an obligation because I grew up in this shit, and so did you!I would have backed you to the hilts on this in court, but not now...you have made your bed, lie in it...
Yet another interruption...
Evaporated Children...
Some years ago I went to a meeting of evacuated children from the 2nd world war at Hastings Library, I could not even tell you what I was doing there, but I needed to go and I did.It said something to me, so very profound and it instantly told me something...they all wondered what I was doing there as it was obvious I was far too young to be an evacuee, but in a sense it was all too familiar to my own experience...
This is the back page of this book...
All children who were evacuated from Hastings went on the same day 21st July 1940. The Director of Education W Norman King said " in spite of the short notice the evacuation had been carried out very smoothly, thanks partly to the benefit of a rehearsal in the re-evacuation of the London children.( Helenswood School and it's origins Brian Lawes 1987 published by author) The reason for the short notice was the sudden fear of invasion following the retreat from Dunkirk and maybe with a name like that Mr King had latent memories from 1066 when the Normans invaded Britain and the Battle of Hastings took place. The central government had no such premonitions at the start of war and were only considering safety from air attack. The smoothness of the operation Norman King expressed and the satisfaction that he may have felt at his achievement did not reflect the dilemma expressed in the Manchester guardian on 2nd November 1939 describing evacuation and the separation of family members as a 'breach of nature' only fully successful when enforced by the 'still greater outrage upon nature of wholesale bombing' ( Evacuation Survey, A Report for the Fabian Society 1940 Ed. R Padley and M Cole, published by Routledge & Kegan Paul).
To be continued....
